DEAR ABBY: My husband and I’ve been married for 2 years, collectively for 5. He’s an exquisite man I really like dearly. I at all times felt known as to be a mom, and he has expressed the identical about being a father. He can be an unbelievable father, and I’d love nothing greater than to lift youngsters with him.
The battle is that, over the previous 12 months or so, I’ve discovered way more about being pregnant and childbirth and what they will put the mom by way of emotionally and bodily. A variety of my pals who’ve given start lately had severe issues.
Abby, after studying all this data, I’m afraid of being pregnant. So many issues can go incorrect, and I’ve a continual sickness that seemingly can be exacerbated by being pregnant. I additionally query the ethics of bringing a baby into this world, figuring out how horrible a spot it’s, and there are such a lot of youngsters who want a house already, however that’s minor in comparison with my concern of well being points.
My husband doesn’t wish to undertake our first baby until we’re unable to conceive or I’m unable to hold the kid, however he’s open to adopting after we’ve tried for one in every of our personal. Adoption or surrogacy isn’t financially possible for us anyway.
I don’t know tips on how to inform him I don’t wish to carry a baby — ever. We’re a bit older, so my organic clock is ticking. How can I recover from my terror to present us one thing we each deeply need? — TERRIFIED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR TERRIFIED: I mentioned your letter with Beverly Hills OB/GYN Michele Milovina. The primary phrases out of her mouth have been, “That’s a quite common query,” if it makes you’re feeling any higher.
Dr. Milovina went on to say that if somebody (like your self) is afraid due to a preexisting well being situation, it’s time to schedule a preconception go to with their OB/GYN or with a perinatologist. A perinatologist is a doctor who focuses on high-risk pregnancies. You may then get actual percentages and numbers and make an knowledgeable choice.
If you’re nonetheless fearful, a reproductive psychiatrist (sure, there’s such a specialty) might assist to quell your fears. You may embody your husband in these visits as a result of it is a choice that must be made along with him.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
